Shadow's Big Hit: The Movie
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Shadow is slightly envious of Sonic's culinary skills.


"Wow…" said Shadow the Hedgehog. It was the first time he had ever seen such a good-looking burger. Sonic smiled like a deadly court jester and gave the burger a quick flip to its other side. It was apparent that the "Faker's" cooking skills were far from phony. Shadow was almost developing a sense of pointless jealously towards Sonic's culinary genius.

"I cook like a real G, huh?" chuckled Sonic. He pressed his spatula hard upon the burger such that the steam and grease seeped out from the device's orifices. The aroma was madly flowing through the air and tugged at Shadow's nostril hairs.

"I hate you…" whined Shadow in a smug and unaccepting manner. "Just because your burgers are finer than fine doesn't mean you have what it takes to…"

"I'LL MAKE YOU EAT THOSE WORDS!" Sonic darted a hand out and firmly grasped his quilly rival's long sticky tongue. He pulled the tongue towards the burning grate of his Weber Summit 24-Inch Charcoal Grilling Center. He slammed the slippery something onto the flames and started beating it up with the spatula. Sonic laughed while he did this due to the fact that he was a Sonic Hero.

Shadow folded his arms in annoyance and looked down at his tongue being depressed into the smoky tabletop. The burning sensation was scorching the sides of his tongue, charring the underbelly and shriveling up the tastebuds that were quickly losing their adequate moisture levels. Shadow shrugged and turned his head away from the gruesome sight.

Sonic continued to laugh like a hokey-pokey nimrod as he repeatedly slapped Shadow's tongue with the spatula. He was honestly having the time of his life, and he had never felt that way before. Yes, I swear, it's so true.

"You're an idiot…" grumbled Shadow intensely focused on the hedge he was worried his son would run into.

"OW!" said Sonic, releasing the spatula and drawing a hand to his chest, gripping his heart. "The edge!"

Shadow slurped his tongue back into his salivary recesses and smacked his lips. "Oat was cold…"

"How did you endure that hurtful treatment that I found highly necessary to do to you?"

"Because, Sonic, many years ago, Professor Gerald Robotnik endowed me with the power of Chaos Control. A normal creature like yourself is a Toadhead!"

Sonic's glorious face shifted from a wondrous grin of hilariously good-looks into a frown of pure terror and discontent. He dropped the spatula to the ground and slowly retired to a squatting position. "This is worse than the time I was on a deathbed, had a funeral, went to heaven, and part four!"

"What are you talking about?"

Sonic looked up at Shadow with tears filling his eyes like the time when he stubbed his toe when watering his spice garden. He hated how smug Shadow was when it came to these kinds of issues.

Shadow scoffed at Sonic and held out his hand to Sonic. "Stand up and be ye merry."

"I cannot."

"You are such a tookwipe…"

"Stop calling me names, Shadz! Can't you see I am facing a time of great inner turmoil?"

"You shouldn't be frightened by that. You should stand up to that and all the pain."

Sonic sniffed in a big old green glob of mucus back into his olfactory residence. The string was long enough to cause a wiggling sense of whimsy reenter his core. It was a flimsy strand was a sight to behold and, much to Shadow's chagrin, a bountiful experience.

"Why are you crying, Faker?" said Shadow in a somewhat considerate tone. Part of him really wanted the guy to stop annoying him, but another part of him wanted Sonic back on his feet with a hearty, renewed spirit.

"I'm sorry that I grilled your tongue without permission, Shadow…" confessed Sonic in between sobs.

Shadow was slightly taken aback by Sonic's kind admittance. He looked away again and studied his mind. He wanted to accept Sonic's apology, but did not want to look like a complete tookwipe in doing so. He turned back to Sonic after a while and noticed that the blue Hedgehog had now grown a transparent yellow mustache that had intertwined over and over. It bounced to and fro as Sonic breathed in and out to steady his emotional balance.

Shadow made a grouchy face at Sonic such that his mug drooped down further than a subterranean village. His eyes looked like fiery boulders that despised coyotes. His teeth were gritted and shot out sparks of anger the more he pulsated his back molars. Shadow reeled back and delivered a powerful punch that connected with Sonic's left arm. "I told you not to touch it!" he roared in impressive anger.

Sonic fell to the ground defeated. His large unfathomable strand of nose contents had been jolted beyond belief due to Shadow's strong punishment. The mucus had wrapped itself like a ribbon around Sonic's head, circumnavigating it several times over like a lost sea explorer.

Shadow lowered his fist in disgust of both Sonic's idiocy and his own abrupt actions. "At least, he died a hero…" said Shadow holding back tears as he recounted the times of happiness and friendship he had once shared with Sonic. "I'm the coolest…"

FIN


End file.
